


Ryan Lochte: The Frattiest Wedding Planner

by bessyboo, War_Kitten



Category: Swimming RPF
Genre: (partial AU really), Alternate Universe, Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Audio Only, Bros Bein Bros, M/M, Michael Phelps Is Socially Clueless, Not!Fic, Oral Not!Fic, Podfic, Podfic Length: 2-2.5 Hours, Ryan Lochte Is A Magpie, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 10:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3893137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/pseuds/bessyboo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/War_Kitten/pseuds/War_Kitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, but hear me out: what if Michael Phelps was a world-class swimmer, and Ryan Lochte was...the frattiest wedding planner in existence.</p>
<p>An oral not!fic recorded in 2012.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ryan Lochte: The Frattiest Wedding Planner

**Author's Note:**

> Runs 2:11:20. Cover art & podbook compiled by Bess. **WARNINGS FOR:** excessive giggling, Bess constantly getting distracted, brief Teen Wolf digressions (hey, it was 2012), sometimes you can't hear Kali because she's in the back seat, questionable audio quality because we were driving and this was recorded on an iPhone

**MP3 [90.5MB]:** [Download](http://bessyboo.parakaproductions.com/My%20Podfic/MP3s/Ryan%20Lochte%20The%20Frattiest%20Wedding%20Planner.mp3) (right-click/save as)  
**Audiobook (M4B) [31.4MB]:** [Download](http://bessyboo.parakaproductions.com/My%20Podfic/Podbooks/Ryan%20Lochte%20The%20Frattiest%20Wedding%20Planner.m4b) (right-click/save as)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, picture this: it was August of 2012, and Liz, Kali, and I were driving from Minnesota to Chicago for VividCon. The London Olympics had just ended, we were at the height of our [Douchebro](http://bessyboo.livejournal.com/82188.html) [Fever](https://storify.com/bessyboo/the-horrifying-spiral-of-douchebro-feels), and we decided the best way to entertain ourselves while driving through bumfuck Wisconsin was to answer the question, "but what IF Ryan Lochte was a wedding planner? How would that go?" I whipped out my iPhone, and this was the result. I don't regret anything.
> 
> (Okay, I regret letting this sit on my phone for 3+ years, aside from emailing it to a few friends at the time. That's my bad. I have no excuse, really.)
> 
> This is entirely unedited—aside from piecing together Part 1 (from Before Lunch) and Part 2 (After Lunch)—and so you're getting a little over two hours of our roadtrip completely unfiltered. As such, this includes, among MANY other things:
> 
>   * Bess yelling "cows!"
>   * multiple brief digressions into Teen Wolf; I'm SORRY IT WAS 2012 OK
>   * Liz refusing to show me a funny picture of her dog while I was driving
>   * us eating brownies
>   * multiple references to "when/where are we stopping for lunch" and [RevolutionaryJo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/RevolutionaryJo/pseuds/RevolutionaryJo)
>   * Liz pointing out signs on the side of the road bearing fannishly-relevant names
>   * we (and by we I mean Kali) actually pausing to research via phone googling things like What Time Do Bars Close At In LA, because we all know how important that level of accuracy is in ludicrous AU oral not!fics
> 

> 
> Consider yourself warned for all of that, and generally the type of digressions you'd expect from three fangirls being trapped in an enclosed space together over the course of a couple hours. Also, this story was being made up entirely spontaneously, it wasn't pre-planned at all, so there's a lot of digressions and sidebars and repetitions and "ummmms". It is, however, mostly linear storytelling.
> 
> Lastly—please do not ask me to write this story. I'm not going to write this as Actual Fic. This exists exclusively as an audio fanwork. If someone would like to TRANSCRIBE this monster, please, by all means, BE MY GUEST.


End file.
